New Tricks

In the last two years, I’ve had two novels published. I’d written six already that failed to see the light of day, but that’s for another day. Sound like a success story? Sure. But it’s all been One Big Learning Experience for me and a humbling one, too.  It’s aggravating to a woman of a certain age when by all that’s holy she should be the one doing the teaching not the learning. I’m in my sixties. I’ve had time to get a little wisdom. Why I can spin off the top of my head dozens of useful things I know.

I know how to lie to my mother without feeling guilty. (It takes practice.)  I know how to live abroad. I know the best place to hide contraband. (Not that I’ve had  any since ‘85.)  I know Tarot and I Ching and I’m a wizard at dream interpretation. I know men. Them critters I know inside and out. Over the years, I spent a lot of time laboring in that particular field. Most of what I learned about men was by trial and error. The errors were mostly painful but the trials were kind of fun. Take my word for it. I’ll give you evidence on that one a bit later, when I figure you can be trusted.  Here’s a hint:  they want pretty much what we want.  What’d Zorba say about women?  “Give ‘em a box of chocolates and they’ll give you everything they’ve got.”  Men aren’t that different.

I know quieter stuff, too.  I know how long to let bread rest in a cold oven. I know the smell of beet pulp when it starts to ferment. I know that most people let go of their baby’s hand way too early when they happen to be crossing a city street. I know how to console a grieving friend. I know how to laugh at misadventure. I know what to do with money.

So for better or worse, this is the place I’ll come and dispense that portion of wisdom surviving for 60 odd years on planet earth affords whether anyone like the results or not. You know what they say today in the colleges and forums: truth is relative. There is no objective reality. Ha! Then you all are going to be stuck with mine. Wiser minds than mine have told me I’m going to have to start giving some secrets away. Ok, then, dear reader, stay tuned.  I’ll give you some hot insights.  I may not be starting with men, but be cool.  I’ll get there.

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